


Endless Falling

by frankie_franksters



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Other, Statement Fic, ahskshdkshfkd, the vast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankie_franksters/pseuds/frankie_franksters
Summary: Statement of Carrie Ammya, regarding her experience with the Vast.
Kudos: 1





	Endless Falling

**Author's Note:**

> agsjgakdhskdd hey!
> 
> this is just a one-shot for tma, idk its something
> 
> hope you enjoy!

I’m not afraid of heights, it’s gravity that scares me. The thing is when I know I’m safe, it’s quite relaxing looking down upon the earth. I’ve always liked high up places. The feeling of being high up, looking down on every single person who has a life, and not caring about any of it, it’s  _ freeing _ . Up high, I don’t have to worry about anything, and I just watch it all unfold. I know that sounds… I don’t know, sadistic? Maybe it is, but that doesn’t matter. The point is I’m not involved in it, I don’t have to worry about it, I am detached from the environment. When I am up high looking down I feel like I’m allowed to relax. 

I’ve always wanted to float in the air, nothing holding me up. I don’t want to go skydiving, because that sounds terrifying, I want to just float above everyone and watch life go on. I want to watch an entire world peacefully moving about, and I don’t want to know what exactly is going on. 

I want to go limp and just watch dazedly until I get tired enough to sleep. Maybe that’s what death is like. I hope it is, that sounds freaking amazing. Imagine after a long,  _ long  _ life all you do in the end is watch it all unfold from above. You don’t have to make calculated decisions while you try not to hurt anyone’s feelings. You don’t have to make it big in the world, or at least big enough to survive. You can finally just simply be, and nothing more. 

It’s wishful thinking, that that will ever happen, but one can hope. Who knows, maybe that  _ is  _ what happens and I just cracked a worldwide theory that I’m keeping to myself? Heh, that’d be ironic. Of course, what I actually think death might be, if the supernatural is real, is whatever we think death will be. If someone thinks they’re going to heaven, they’re going to their very own version of heaven. If someone thinks they're going to hell, then they’re going to what they think hell is like. If they think that they just die, no thoughts, no memories, no nothing, then that’s exactly what happens. If someone thinks they’re going to become a ghost, that’s what happens. It all depends on the beliefs of that certain human. What I truly think is going to happen, all theories aside, is we’re just going to die and there is going to be black nothingness. No thoughts, head empty. 

The thing is, I don’t  _ know _ . I won’t know until I get there, and I’m not planning on going anytime soon. But, then again, I might already be dead. If this is the afterlife, it’s very boring, very  _ normal _ . It’s nothing like in storybooks, that’s for sure. And it’s… scarier than I thought it would be. I’m guessing I’ve rambled on too long for you folk, haven’t I? Sorry, it’s a bit of a habit. 

It was a couple of weeks ago, I guess. I had just started to settle down in this dinky little town, and I was posting fliers for a possible roommate. Not many people came, obviously, and the few who did weren’t… very trustworthy people. I probably should’ve been more scared than I was. In fact, I don’t think I was scared at all, though it’s hard to be sure when a stranger is in your apartment. His name was William Drew and he looked like any typical crackhead. His eyes were all red and he just had that face where you  _ know  _ his brain has been numbed. 

I had just finished showing him the kitchen when we passed the window. I didn’t notice anything right away, but looking back it’s weird that I didn’t. I don’t know, maybe I just always expect there to be a nothingness outside. It wasn’t dark, it was actually a quite pretty light blue, the colour a sky would usually take, but there weren’t any clouds. Or ground, really. 

I had turned around because I couldn’t hear the second set of footprints from William but there wasn’t anyone there at all. I figured he must have run off to try and steal something without me noticing, or just simply ran for no reason at all. And then I had a thought that neither of them were true, because he just simply didn’t exist anymore. It’s a strange accusation, I know, but it made so much sense to me at that moment I didn’t think about it at all. 

It’s a bit hazy after that, but I do remember walking around my flat, just mindless wandering, thinking about everything and nothing. I think my mind was clouded somehow, not really sure what exactly it was meant to do. It doesn’t make much sense to me so I can’t really put it into words, but all I know is that it felt as if I had walked into a dreamscape where everything was just hazy, never truly there. Eventually, I found myself back to the kitchen window, just staring out into the nothingness. There wasn’t anything there and it made me feel oddly less, insignificant, but in a  _ good  _ way. I know, I know, it should have scared me, but it didn’t and it felt so  _ right _ . 

I… I don’t know what pushed me to walk out my front door, but I did and I wish I could say I regret it. I was falling. Down, down, down. I couldn’t see a ground, I couldn’t see clouds, or birds, or trees, or anything of that sort. Just sky, everywhere. Even my flat was gone. It was  _ thrilling _ , the kind of thrilling you have when you watch a horror movie. It was  _ good  _ scary, and I loved every second of it. It was so relaxing, in a way I didn’t think was even possible, and I just closed my eyes and let it happen. I don’t know when I fell asleep, but the next thing I knew was that I was sleeping in my bed, warm and cozy. It was comfortable, but it wasn’t as comfortable as the feeling of falling freely. 

I miss it. I miss it so badly, and I’ve tried everything I can to replicate that feeling but nothing has worked. If this is my afterlife, why can’t it be falling without fear of landing? This world is shit, and I don’t  _ want  _ to be here, but I am. Was it a dream? Was it just something my mind came up with to tortue me slowly? I don’t know. I believe it’s real, but I just don’t  _ know.  _

I looked up the name William Drew. He doesn’t exist, he’s never existed. Maybe he got swallowed by the endless falling. If he did, I hope he’s terrified out of his goddamn mind. I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy. 


End file.
